Quote on anxiety: This is one the most frustrating things about having an anxiety disorder; knowing as you're freaking out that there's no reason to be freaked out, but lacking the ability to shut the emotion down.
You are always responsible for how you act. It is very true my friends, you and only you are responsible for you actions. A wise man once said - we cannot control what happens to us - but we can control what to do about it,.
And the thing you have to understand about her is she'll kill what she desperately wants, out of fear of the pain. Because somewhere along the way someone convinced her she didn't deserve it. So she destroys, telling herself holding the knife hurts less.