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Sometimes You Have to Pretend

I don't pretend to be anything I am not. Except for sober, I 've pretended to be sober a few times.

I want this on a shirt! With paddles!

This makes me laugh. My mom always said, "We're gonna be up shit creek without a paddle." Well, I've been up Shit Creek without a paddle, and I'm here to tell you that I survived!

Haha Sometimes, yes ☺

My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street. LOL I will never look at a squirrel the same again

Rebel circus quotes

I'm seriously the nicest and meanest person you'll ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.

Calm the fuck down

Boss: "Have you clocked in yet?" Me: "no" Boss: "ok well before you clock in i need you to." If I'm not getting paid it isn't happening yet back up

Yep. Everyday.

Mornings_nap_"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "Haha good one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap."_Seriously, I have had a few of these; and I do laugh.

'Cause I'm classy as fuck.

Fuck is an amplifier of vocabulary for literate, intelligent people. Fuck is a substitute for vocabulary for illiterate, ignorant people.

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