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My give a damn is busted.

Sorry I Can't Go To Work Tomorrow I Fractured My Motivation funny quotes quote jokes work lol funny quote funny quotes funny sayings humor

I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's per hour. Haha have those days

Why is this so true?  (Every single time I try to relax!)

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. Yup every time

Ohhh my God... !! Para dias q necesitamos los frutos del Espiritu rushh jaja

Magnet - Retro Humor - Cup of Care

This is my cup of care. Oh, look, it's empty. Magnet Retro Humor Cup of Care by LulusFiveandDime on Etsy, Ideas

My hearts says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of god women, eat a salad.

365 Happiness Project 2014 – Quote 232 // my heart begs for chocolate and wine

I just sharted. You what?? i sharted. I tried to fart and a  little shit came out. ---Sandy!

I'm sorry, but this is just too funny and perfect for my life right now. Of course I'd change the potty mouth part but still, so true!

So true!

Profiling at its finest. I blame Criminal Minds. Have you ever looked at someone and thought. Yep you have a person locked in your basement.

Funny Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships. QuotesGram

I've been single for a while and i have to say. It's going very well. It's working out. I think I'm the one. Funniest thing I've ever heard.

Yeah.. I give little squeal and a hop-jump when the bread flys out.

funny quote based on how i react when toast pops out, i will never look cool walking away from an explosion. so me


My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT? {i know u will appreciate the dentist humor} ;

Potato potato ching chong tomato

Haha, maybe that's why I'm so good at getting work done late at night? Made me giggle! Not sure what the potato potato Ching Chong tomato is about but it made me giggle!