It hurts, no one can understand how you really feel. We hide our pain, put on a brace face and carry on. Being strong is hard especially for long periods of time, coping on your own. I feel the pain of others, I really do.
Recovery IS a realistic goal, even when it feels impossible. Don't let your eating disorder, or any other difficult things in life, get you down. You are beautiful, and you are strong enough to beat this. Keep fighting